Language Development: How to Teach Your Child to Calm Down on Their Own

Some children find it impossible to calm down without a serious investment in time, effort, and a few heartfelt prayers. If your child is one of them, you’ve probably already tried "crying it out," with the perhaps expected result: one wide-awake child, accompanied by a parent that wishes they had decided to join a convent (or a monastery) at the precocious age of ten.



Children with delayed language development often find it difficult to calm down by themselves. Dolls, stuffed animals, blankets, and other traditional loveys are viewed as passé, and thus they end up needing their parents’ help in order to get out of the hysteric mode.



One of the reasons for this is that children with delayed language development have trouble with pretend play. Imaginary play is all about symbols: the use of one thing in order to represent another. So when your child feeds his favorite stuffed bear, he’s calling upon all the experiences he’s had or seen of being fed, tickled, airplane-spooned, and lovingly interacted with, in order to create a 3-d picture in his mind.



This 3D picture is only the idea of a baby, but for him, it’s a critical step to understanding the world of ideas.



A typical child builds up dozens of these sorts of experiences every day, and calls upon them as she plays. A child with weak language development, however, simply doesn’t have this Swiss bank of experiences to fall upon when he plays.



He might have motor planning difficulties which make it hard for her to dress a Ken doll easily. She might have visual processing issues that make it difficult for her to imagine an object that’s not right there in front of her. Or perhaps he suffers from auditory processing weaknesses that make it hard for him to connect the word bear with the visual image of a bear.



Imaginary play is also hard for your child because he must associate his desire with an action or symbol. Your child finds it hard to understand how he feels (Mommy says I have to go to bed- I’m scared!) and so it’s hard for him to express his desire (I want to stay up until my big brother comes to bed).



Despite these difficulties, it is possible to teach your child how to calm down by themselves. Here are 3 suggestions that will help you do so:



1) Get involved in your child’s play.

If your child is building a tower, ask your child if your play figure can climb to the top. Or, if your child is lining up cars next to the wall, roll your car up to the wall too, asking, "Can I park here too?" Remember to stay away from commenting on your child’s play; you want to be a participant, not an observer.



2) Help your child express her feelings.

Next time your child starts to throw a fit because he can’t button his shirt, help him verbalize how he feels: "Can’t do it? Makes you mad?"



Be sure to use very simple language. If your child speaks in 2-3 word sentences, then so should you.



3) Do some pretending of your own.

If your child is thirsty, offer him a play cup full of "juice." When your child slides down a slide, pretend it’s a mountain. When your child is unhappy, have a puppet or a doll speak to him and ask him why he’s sad.



4) Give your child a lovey.

Give your child a doll or a stuffed animal. Choose one that isn’t hard to replace, just in case it gets lost. Pretend the doll is real: when your child eats, ask her if her doll is hungry too. Then pretend to feed the doll food. When your child cries, go over to the doll and remark, "Oh, your doll (give it a name) is sad too! Is she sad because she hurt herself?" Then let your child help you put on a pretend band-aid.



Once your child begins to play with the doll on her own, you can start offering it to her when she needs comforting. Eventually she will choose the doll on her own.



If you regularly engage in pretend play with your child, you’ll soon find that not only is your child better at imaginative play, but more successful in calming down on their own as well.



Worried about your child's language development?



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